I have a blue Mini. I bought this blue Mini on a whim. It’s very much a cancer in my life at this point—his name is Mitra.* Mitra was born in 2005 and I paid £2500 for him. Since then, I have paid another ~£3000 in many fixings, replacements and assorted tweaking. I want Mitra out of my life. I tried selling Mitra but, because it’s still on finance, I can’t.

So now, Mitra is in the rain, with an expired MOT, insurance due to expire next month, waiting for a lock-up garage so I can stop paying its road tax. Hopefully, I will finish paying Mitra’s loan in December and sell it or scrap it for good.

This is a lesson to be learned today. Never buy a car without a thorough inspection. Never buy a car when you actually don’t need it. And finally, never buy a car. You have legs. But maybe you don’t—in which case, I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry.

*Mitra is the Portuguese equivalent of the British “NED”. You know what a NED is, right?